You can tell by that sweet soup brewing in your pits, summer is upon us. While there are many beautiful elements of summer (see our related article on Sun Screen Cancer Hysteria), it also means those poor parenting decisions we’ve made are no longer our teacher’s responsibility. Indeed the vanity, insecurity and general negligence which makes up our own faulted personalities have come home to roost. I am, of course, talking about the time we must spend uninterrupted with our children. So if you are looking for a list of activities you can post on instagram, which say “I am tragically addicted to seeking acceptance”, look no further.
- Go Outside
Between The Lovely Bones and regular, run of the mill bunker style kidnappings, going outside has suffered a bad reputation. But this old school activity is back on trend. Be on the cutting edge of appearing engaged by going outside.
2. Buy a Rodent
Are you eager to have an impenetrable wall of stench in your home and teach the whole cycle of life all within a week? Then buy your child a rodent. One of our reader’s children accidentally crushed his hamster to death and he grew up to be an enigmatic, agoraphobe, who preferences darkness, it’s like for him, the hamster funeral never ended. This is the kind of emotional depth that will allow your child to not only major in Art History but also minor is German.
3. Scream Hopelessly into the Abyss
This one’s pretty self explanatory.
Have you explained to your child, in detail, your flawed and painful relationship with your mother yet? Are you desperate to show your child that you are secretly awesome at both singing and karate? Why not try getting drunk alone on the couch while your child does a puzzle as silently as they possibly can. The best part of this activity is that it can be seamlessly rolled into an already existing daily routine.
5. Ignore Them
Last but not least, always remember that when all else fails, you can pretend that you do not have children. Leave them alone and let them figure it out. Trust us, they’ll thank you for it.